I am literally going out of my mind without any work, it’s been too long since I’ve been able to work and my bills are piling up. I’m so stressed that my hair is falling out and I’m pretty much always down.
I know I shouldn’t stress so much about things I can not change but when you have a little baby who needs clothes, needs diapers and wipes, needs this or that and hospital bills so high you don’t know how you will pay them all back, stress will get you. I did manage to work for a little while last week which earned me $15 which then went into buying a box of diapers and some wipes. Yup easy come easy go even though I have never been the spending kind.
It doesn’t help my frame of mind either to remember how much I had saved up before I had Naveen, all that money went in the blink of an eye because of the cost of medication and hospital bills that I did get to pay. If I could get back to working and making $15 a day I would be happy but Naveen does not cooperate at all. He has become very clingy and I’m hesitant to leave him on the ground crying because he has a habit of trying to stand up by unstable things like the cupboard door or the open french doors. I’m also hesitant to put him in the stroller because he has figured out a way to stand partially in the stroller. Yeah, not good for one so faint of heart as myself.
I know little babies fall when they are learning how to stand and walk and little boys more so but it’s a completely different ball game when it’s your little baby. I’ve had mini heart attacks many times this past week, he pushed up into a stand from his froggy kneeling and feel over on his head, he was holding onto the sofa and let go fell over onto his back. I swear my heart stop beating both times. You know how those movies do the slow motion Noooos? That was me, I was so close but stopped and slapped my hands to my face Nooooooooo! Pathetic, I know. I could have reached him before he fell over but I suck in the face of a crisis. I’m ashamed of myself.
To try to make a few extra bucks I figured “Hey, why don’t I try freelancing!” Freelancing what though? I don’t have any degrees other than in Commercial Baking and Cake Decoration and not many people are looking for someone with that skill, especially not on the internet. Why not blogging? I barely keep up my own blog huh…Story writing? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I haven’t even finished a full story in over 10 years. I am my worst critic so in the end I felt all dejected and decided not to try freelancing after all. Strangely enough, it did push me to go back to a story I was writing and see it with fresh eyes. I’m happy to say I’m back to working on it and trying my best to stick to it this time.
When Naveen naps, this momma will work!