Postpartum Bra Shopping

Featured Photo by Uliana Kopanytsia on Unsplash

Bra shopping used to be one of my favorite things to do when I was younger, I was a 32A from the time I hit puberty right up until I had my son at 26. I don’t normally care for shopping in general but I would browse the Junior bra section for hours finding new bras, I easilly had ober 10 pairs of bras, one of my biggest problems was that I thought I was too small (thanks society) all the bras I had were more aimed towards younger girls who were just getting their first bras, nothing in the women’s section was in my size. I had never even heard of Sister sizes, if you don’t know what that is stay tuned because I will talk about it further down in this post. I’ll never forget that singular day in school when I overheard two boys talking about girls bodies and when one asked about mine the other siad “She doesn’t have a body”. That point was later solidified when I was in my mid twenties and surfing Blackplanet, one of the most popular groups among the men was one where it said something like guys prefered “Bad Grades C, D, E, F”. There was no mistaking that they were talking about breasts and what they considered to be bigger sizes. There I was being bombarded with the idea that men didn’t care for slim women with small breasts and I had no breasts to speak of so they obviously didn’t care for me. I want to say it didn’t bother me but I would be lying, I didn’t care about attracting anyone but the thought that I was unattractive was troubling. I often wished for bigger breasts (silly, silly goose) just to be thoguht of as feminine. I should explain that I was very much a tomboy before this hyper awareness of my “lack of body”, I frequently wore baggy jeans, big shirts, backwards caps, I hanged out with my brothers and cousins all the time so I was essentially one of the guys, I didn’t care for skirts and dresses and all those girly things my parents said was for girls. I was happy as I was even though people often asked me what I was…

Despite the occasional wishful thought for bigger breasts I was fine, I began wearing dressed and skirts and cultivating a feminine side that isn’t hyper feminine. I wore make up but not a full face, I still don’t know how to blend eyeshadow or know what half those toners and cc creams, and serums are for but I’m fine with who I am.

When I was pregnant with my son, I joined a few Birth Boards and one common theme was women’s breasts growing and leaking milk, I didn’t experience any of this, I guess my body was too busy trying to provide nourishment for my baby. I didn’t think it would happen to me but it did.

One day I had my baby and the next I had my breasts. I remember it so vividly, I woke up with HUGE (in my eyes) breasts, my milk had come in and I began to leak like crazy, it’s a good thing my son was eclusively breastfed because this was crazy. It’s funny the things you learn about your body after having a baby. No one ever told me about Let downs but up to this day I can still remember the tingle I’d get and then the leaking would begin. My usual 32A bras were not going to do so we quickly went shopping and I ended up with a C cup, I don’t really remember what band size it was but it was probably wrong.

My son nursed for one and a half years, I originally wanted to do baby led weaning but I ended up pregnant and in the hospital for 4 days and after that he just lost interest in nursing. There I was fresh from the hospital without another baby and my first baby didn’t want to nurse anymore. I was sad we wouldn’t have that bond anymore and fine with it at the same time because I wouldn’t have to be nursing him all hours of the day and night.

With the end of nursing I found that I needed to buy new bras once again. Here was a new problem though, French bras don’t use the same system as the US bras, both the cup and band sizes seem to be bigger letters and numbers, what should be a C is actually a D and what is a 34 is 90! Imagine my shock when I go from a 34D to a 95E but they are the same exact size. I think everything about the sizing system over here made me think I was bigger, fatter, than I actually am. To find a good bra my husband and I looked up international size conversion charts and then I just tried on different bras until I found on that fit.

I was content with my bras, they mostly fit but it seemed I kept having to buy a new one as soon as I got used to my newer bigger size. Sometimes I ended up with a really good fitting bra and buy two of different colors but one of them doesn’t fir right? I don’t understand how that happens but it did several times. Some of my biggest bra issues in the last year were falling straps, too tight band, and gaps at the top of the bra where it should have been flush against my skin. I thought I was at the biggest reasonable size but boy was I wrong. One day in my mom group one of the other moms posted about a Reddit group called A Bra That Fits and there was a calculator you could use to find the right sized bra for your body. You can find the Calculator here. I don’t remember what the calculator said was the ideal size for me but I remember thinking they were joking because it was a smaller band than I was currently wearing but a bigger cup, I decided to do some more reading on the group and learned all kinds of interesting things. Your size it semms isn’t the most important aspect of finding a bra that fits it’s the shape of your breasts. It’s a lot to get into and if you want to read more I suggest heading over to the subreddit and reading the beginners guide. This is my most recent results from the calculator: 28FF/G in UK, 75H in French sizes and 28F in US.

These are not full charts they are aimed mostly at showing how I found my French and European size from US or UK size. If you are interested in seeing a full chart I suggest Googling International Size charts, there are lots of different charts available.

75H is not a very common size to find here in France, most if not all the common stores only go up to Cup size E and if you’re luck you can find band size 110. Here is where knowing your Sister sizes comes in handy. A sister size is a bra that is either a larger or smaller band but the same cup volume, for instance, I can’t find a 75H here but I can usually find a 90E, 95D, or 100C, these are all Sister sizes meaning they might fit me just as well or better than my original size. You’ll notice I omitted 80G and 85F, well that’s because they are not readily available which I had the pleasure of finding out when I needed a new bra after starting to breastfeed my daughter and I couldn’t go into the store to try on any bras during the pandemic so my poor husband had to go in and try to find one of the numbers I tell him. I sent him to find a 75H, no, 80G? no, 85F? no, what about 90F? it looks like it would fit. Fine, and it was for like a few months until I looked at the calculator again and realized it was not the correct size!

This is not a full chart, I focused mostly on the Sister sizes of my own results, to find a chart suitable for you I recommend Googling Sister Sizes with your Country name on the end. I also limited the sizes to what I found was mostly available at the sites I frequent.

Now I have the right Sister sizes I ordered bras more suitable for my shape and fullness, I’m hopeful that I have finally found my bra that fits!

So, October…

So, it’s October…

The month of both Naveen and his father’s birthday as well as several other family members. The month of Halloween which I have to admit I don’t really pay attention to. We’ve never celebrated it when I was growing up but Naveen has been big on doing the whole dressing up and trick or treating but not this year for obvious reasons.

Since the 25th of September I’ve been using the Multi-Restore Gel Cream and Multi-Restore Facial Sleeping Oil from Garnier Bio. I spoke a bit about it here. This was my first time using a Gel Cream and a Facial Sleeping Oil, normally I wash my face and apply a cream then go to sleep so this really was a new experience for me, here’s my thoughts on the products:

Multi-Restore Gel Cream

First of all, what is a Gel Cream?

A Gel Cream is water based, it has lighter and more fluid texture compared to regular creams which is why they provide better hydration without leaving your skin feeling heavy or greasy. They are aimed towards people with oily skin.

The first thing I noticed about the Gel Cream was how light and easy it was to spread it on my face and neck, the second thign I noticed was the scent, I really don’t like the smell of hemp and this was no exception, whenever I get a whiff of hemp it reminds me of some kind of musty old thing you’d find in the back of your grandmother’s house. Disgusting.

Thankfully the scent does not linger at all.

Once the Gel Cream is applied it absorbs into the skin rapidly and you forget all about that terrible scent and are left with a very moisturized face.

Multi-Restore Facial Sleeping Oil

Facial Sleeping Oils or Night Oils are oils designed to be used before you go to bed. They are usually too heavy to wear during the day or under makeup.

When using a Facial oil a little goes a long way, trust me, when I first applied the oil I used it like I would a cream and it left my face feeling very very greasy, the next day I applied less and it was much better. Once again the scent is terrible but doesn’t last long. I never remember that I applied anything with Hemp let alone two products which in my opinion is great.

Reactions

I can’t say for certain that the products were behind my lack of pms pimples, pms is the only time I get pimples and this month I had 0 pimples! If it was because of the products then great but it could easily have been just a coincidence. I will only have to keep using it for a couple more months to see if I skip the pimples for the next two or three months to see.

Voxbox Update

Now onto my Voxbox or should I say lack of Voxbox…

I know, it’s been 4 weeks since my last post and I’m still without my Opi Rainbow Voxbox…

A lot of people in the UK as well as some in France for their boxes but I’m among the unlucky few who have still not received their boxes. The campaign ended earlier this week and literally disappeared off my dashboard, I was pretty anxious to say the least. If you don’t complete your missions for a campaign you can be excluded from ever receiving one again and I really didn’t want that to happen. Two days later the campaign reappeared and have been extended again! It should last until November but to be honest I’m losing hope that I will ever receive this box. I’ve been a member on the site for 6 years and this is the first time I’ve ever had this kind of problem. I don’t know if Covid is to blame for the terrible shipping or if this will be the norm now.

So, you remember those false nails I bought to use with the Voxbox?

I already started using them. I have painted my nails a few times thinking “Oh no! What if my box comes now?” It never does though so I’ll continue to use the nails and color my nails something new every few weeks.

The nails are very long in my opinion, I can’t leave them too long or I start to feel like I can’t do anything so I trimmed them down to the perfect length for me.

Nailfies 💅

Cien in 15 Nude Brown
Spartoo Glossy Nail Polish in Red Beauty
Opi Tokyo Collection – I’m on a Sushi Roll

I guess we’ll see if i get my box next week or if I never get it…

Phasing my 23andme

Hello there!

As you guys have read about before here, here, and here. I took the 23andme test in June 2018 and got my results back on July 18, 2018. I was left very underwhelded, there was not much to learn from the results.

Take a look for yourself:

Over 100€ for that, I thought my brother’s Ancestry test was much more informative. It was fine though, a couple of months after there was an update and it broke down the African. It still wasn’t the best but at least it wasn’t just West African anymore. My .3% African Hunter-Gatherer was gone while Nigerian, Senegambian & Guinean, Congolese, and Sudanese was separated from the broad West African category. Coastal West African while narrowed down from just West African is still a broad category not to mention the Broadly West African, Broadly Congolese & Southern East African, and Broadly Sub-Saharan African. Just a lot of Broadly.

My European stayed mostly the same. Scandinavian at .4% was added send it made sense since my brother had Norway and Sweden which I assumed came from my Father’s mother. My grandmother’s family has been in the Danish West Indies since the first slaves were brought there. There’s also a mulatto ancestor with the surname Boldt, I admit it’s not much evidence but a cousin who descended from that same line also has Norway and Sweden. Unfortunately Ancestry DNA doesn’t have a Chromosome browser so I can’t see where that Norway and Sweden is located and if my brother and this cousin match on that same chromosome. Since doing my research on my grandfather’s place of birth Saint-Barthélemy, I realized that Swedish could come from that side since the Swedish colonized the Island from 1784 to 1877.

I should note that my African went up and my European went down, not by much but I found it interesting nonetheless. My Native American stayed the same and I gained Western Asian and North African.

In May 2019 my results went through another update, they called this a Beta update, my African portion was broken down even more, I lost the Sudanese but gained Ghanaian, Liberian & Sierra Leonean, the Congolese & Southern East African got a break down showing Angolan & Congolese but there was still those pesky Broadly categories.

My European had a revamp, the Iberian category was renamed to Spanish & Portuguese, I lost the little bit of Italian I had. My Native American once again stayed the same. Strangely, I had Central & South Asian added at 0.1%, seeing how categories at that level seem to vanish I didn’t expect to see it at the next update.

Now we’re at my most recent update before I phased with my father. It was updated around September 2019 but if you remember I was pregnant and sick during that time so I didn’t see the update until April of this year. My African Hunter-Gatherer is back at the same percentage too. Southern East African was added at .1%. My Western Asian & North African went up. I had a location for France, Nouvelle-Aquitaine which lines up perfectly with my paper trail, and I had a Caribbean location Dominica, which is right on the money since both my Mother’s parents were from there.

For Father’s Day I decided I was going to buy my father a 23andme kit, it wasn’t a surprise since I had spoken to both parents about it and they were interested, my father got his kit in July and his results were ready earlier this month. I’m not going to lie but I didn’t expect anything in his composition other than European and African. What he received shocked me.

My father apparently has Native American ancestry. Never in my life has anyone ever mentioned him having Native American anywhere in any of his family lines and since both his parents have passed I have no one to ask about it and will probably never find out where it comes from. Even better?

My Native American comes from him. All my life I was told my Mother’s mother had Kalinago ancestry and when I saw Native American in my composition I assumed it came from my Grandmother, jokes on me though, it could have come from a Grandmother, just not the one I thought.

My Father has two region in France and six in the United Kingdom. Nouvelle-Aquitaine and Occitanie lines up perfectly with our paper trail but all the United Kingdom regions are a mystery.

Here’s my results after phasing with my father. My African Hunter-Gatherer is gone once again. Italian has reappeared. My West Asian & North African has gone down again, this time they are trace ancestry.

I guess my course of action now is to test my Mother and see what secrets her dna is hiding.

Trip to Correns and more

Welcome back or if you’re visiting for the first time hello.

The last time I posted “The Last of them” my grandfather had just passed away and I was not in a good frame of mind. I’m doing better now, not 100% but I don’t feel like closing myself up in a deep dark hole, I got the space I needed to grieve and I’m thankful for that.

One of my nieces went on vacation to the beach and my son wanted so badly join her but the closest beach to us is almost 5 hours away! There’s no way we travel that far to go to the beach. Or so I thought…

On Monday, all smug like, my son said to me “we’re going to the beach tomorrow”, Yeah right, I thought, we’re not going anywhere but his father didn’t say anything to me, then again his father waits until the very last minute to tell me anything. I’m sitting there contemplating this information and whether or not I can trust it when Marvin comes home and asks Naveen if he told me.

Told me?

Told me what?

Naveen said “yes, I tell Mama”, you mean it’s true? We’re going to the beach tomorrow?

Yup.

I had a rough night, Oyanie kept waking up even though she was sleeping for a good six hours, this night she decided four hours was good enough. So there I was on Tuesday morning, tired as hell and have to get up to start packing and making sure we don’t forget anything.

Everything checked and double checked, we were on our way, on our to where? I didn’t know. I just knew we were going to the beach. I mentioned before that my husband doesn’t tell me anything until last minute? Well for trips he doesn’t tell me where we are going at all… I think he works under the misinformation that I like surprises, nothing could be further from the truth, after 10 years I’ve just accepted that he likes surprising me. I’ve never hated any of his surprises so I’ll allow it.

First we stopped to get gas, can’t drive for so long on an empty tank eh, that done we started our long drive to the beach, at first I was admiring the scenery as we drove but that quickly turned to fatigue as we continued driving, we’d been driving for almost two hours when I felt the car slowing down, I didn’t see it ok, I feel asleep, it was a very long drive. We took a little break so we could stretch our legs, eat and drink, and just rest for a bit. We stil had about two hours left of driving to go. I was curious about what kind of hotel we would be staying in this time and anticipating just dropping onto the bed and staying there for however long I would need. Sitting in the car for so long had made my back ache like there was no tomorrow.

Our little stop over we were back on the road again, this passed by like a blur, I remember a lot of trees and building and then water, some of the water was greenish colored but the closer we got to our destination the more blue the color became.

Finally, we arrived at our destination, this wasn’t like any hotel I’d ever seen before, because it wasn’t, we were staying in someone’s air b&b?

It was an apartment of sorts, the door was one of those really old European doors, ancient wooden panel with a round knob that looks like it might fall off at any moment, it didn’t though, these doors are pretty strong despite their appearance. Inside was a kitchen slash dinning slash living area. Kind of like what we have at home, there’s no definition of space in the homes I’ve visited here in France. There was an upstairs, where I assume was the bedrooms and bathroom but there was one problem.

The stairs looked like something out of my worst nightmare..

Apparently Naveen felt the same because he refused to climb the stairs, we had no choice though, the beds were upstairs and the toilet which we would need sooner or later. His father helped him climb the ladder, I refuse to call it stairs, I followed behind gingerly placing my feet on each rung and holding onto the railing like my life depended on it. If you think going up that monstrosity was bad, going down it was worse, each rung was so narrow I had to try to climb down sideways so my feet could find purchase on each slender step. The worse thing about this was when I had to go up or down with Oyanie in my arms, There I was with my tiny bady held tightly in one arm and the other wrapped around the railing and trying to gauge how far down each step was from the other.

Naveen became a pro at the stairs, he went up and down like they were nothing, me? No such thing, I took the stairs only if I really needed to otherwise I was fine to stay upstairs or downstairs wherever I was at the moment.

We didn’t end up going to the beachthe first day because it would take another hour and we had reacher too late to go to the beach. We did visit an old wash station where there was a river flowing through. Naveen told his father he didn’t want to go to the beahc anymore, he was content to stay here and enjoy the river, we didn’t come all this way for the river though. We were going to drive to the beach the next day.

A semi good nights sleep, Ms Oyanie was up every four hour again, we had breakfast and relaxed a bit before heading to the beach around noon. The drive was interesting, we followed a canal of water along a very small road, you literally had to ride the wall to let another car pass, at the end of the canal was the beach.

I’ll be completely honest, being from the Caribbean I grew up with white sand, blue waters, literally beaches of your dreams, this, was not it. First things first, the sand, more like dirt was speckled with something gold that felt like dust on your skin if it touched you. The water was not beckoning at all, add in that there was so many people there, my anxiety went sky high and I was content to stay on the bench we scored under the very shady tree. Marvin asked me if I wanted to go in the water and it was a big no. I’m fine love.

We spent about two hours there, Naveen enjoyed himself immensely, Oyanie stayed with me mostly, and Marvin went in the water with Naveen, everybody enjoyed themself and it was time to drive back to the apartment.

Had an okay night, it was time to head back home which meant another long drive, strangely, going up and down those horrifying stairs gave me muscle aches in my legs, I will not miss them at all. And because I completely forgot that Oyanie made five months yesterday I decided to take some pictures, she was not cooperating at all so I got many many very similar pictures lol. I thought I had settled on the best picture but I felt like the background was too busy and you couldn’t see her face well enough so I moved locations and voilà, the month 5 picture.

This drive I did better, I didn’t fall asleep so I saw some cool things like this church? ontop of the hill, not sure you can really see it in the picture.

Also saw this really cute tiny castle on a roundabout.

Finally we were back home!

This trip wasn’t the only thing I was up to, I also found this really interesting app on the appstore, you upload a picture and people try to guess where you are from, it said to input the furthest back your ancestry went so I entered France and Nigeria. Trying out the app I realized that I really can’t tell where people are from, I get lucky soemtimes but for the most part I guess very wrongly.

Here’s what people guessed for me:

The last interesting thing I have to talk about is a secret campaign I was selected for. I can’t say what I’m supposed to review yet but when the package arrived I’ll write a post about it. Stay tuned for that!

Alright, that’s all for now see you guys later!

My Weekend in Annecy

Annecy, a city found in the Haute-Savoie Department of France. It’s located in the southeastern part of France, where Lake Annecy feeds into the Thiou River, this city has been on my bucket list for a few years.

I especially wanted to see Lake Annecy, La Vieille Ville, Pont des Amours, and Palais de l’Ile.

We left on Saturday around 12pm, the drive took around 2hrs, the weather was not the best, it was overcast and pretty chilly, yes, chilly in June! We’ve been having temperatures in the 50s which is about 12° Celsius.

As we were driving my son would get really excited seeing the clouds covering the mountains and driving through mist.

The most exciting thing though was driving through the mountains! I don’t mean over the mountains either, we drive through tunnels that went through the belly of the mountains, twice, and each time it was crazy.

Yeah, yeah, you might have don’t this before, probably many times, for us especially coming from an island without any mountains it was something really special to see and experience. I only wish I had taken a picture.

We reached the hotel about 2:55 or so, it was raining a bit and my husband realized we had forgotten the baby carrier, so there we were sans stroller and carrier so my husband had to heft the bag with our stuff and the little miss.

We hurried into the hotel and quickly got our room key, strangely enough there was only one key so we either had to all go out at the same time or some go and others stay behind. It was an ok hotel from the little I saw on our way to the room, there was a game room where Naveen wanted to spend some time. The elevator ride was terrible, it was so jerky, and I got bad motion sickness.

When we arrived at the room I noticed it was kind of small, there were two full size beds, one fairly close to the door and the other closer to the opposite wall, Naveen was only to happy to have such a big bed all to himself. I think miss lady believed the other one was for her.

We took a little rest, change Oyanie’s diaper and feed her then we were off!

First we stopped at Burger King so that the bigger people could eat then we visited the lake, the rain was still coming down, because we were closer to the lake the wind was really strong and those two things made it pretty cold.

Without the carrier, Oyanie ended up wrapped in her father’s coat, we tried to keep her as well as possible while taking in the sights.

The Pont des Amours wasn’t far from the lake, just had to keep walking and there we were, a little ways from the bridge I spotted a giant bow and arrow. I haven’t been able to find any information on it yet but I probably am not searching for the right terms.

Pont des Amours
Giant Bow and Arrow

Naveen was only too happy to have space to run around and explore. He wanted to keep walking but it was still raining and Oyanie was getting tired. We decided to head back to the hotel.

For dinner we had pizza from Domino’s, it’s been many years since I’ve had a pizza from there, I found the pizzas to be pretty small, we ordered two and had really tiny containers of ice cream and some kind of dessert with chocolate. I didn’t eat the chocolate dessert. The ice cream was enough for me.

It was a bit difficult to get Oyanie to sleep and after trying and trying she finally went to sleep but I ended up not being able to fall asleep, I don’t know if I was too hot or if I was just too wired to sleep, whatever it was I ended up just laying there twisting and turning the whole night.

My phone was charging in Marvin’s side of the bed and I didn’t want to wake anyone up trying to reach so I tried to wait patiently until everyone woke up. Thankfully Marvin woke up long enough to hand me my phone.

Finally everyone was up and it was time to check out of the hotel but first Oyanie got a bottle.

I hadn’t noticed it before when we arrived but downstairs in the lobby there’s a statue of a red cow.

Everyone was hungry do we decided to go to the bakery, unfortunately the bakery had a long line as they only allowed one customer in at a time, we were too hungry to wait in line do we took a walk looking for other places to eat.

Every so often Marvin would stop to look at menus or Naveen would watch stalls with people selling toys.

Finally, after waking for what seemed like forever, we went into French Coffee Shop, Marvin asked me what I wanted and I looked over the offerings. There were lots of muffins and some other things but what caught my attention was the cheesecake. I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it before but I love cheesecake, if I see it I will always want it, so when Marvin asked me again what I wanted without hesitation I said cheesecake.

Now, things could have gone either good or bad because not everyone can make cheesecake.

Thankfully, this was not the case, nope, this cheesecake was delicious, it was utterly divine, like if anyone would have tried to ask me to taste some I’d stuff the whole thing in my mouth or lick it.

I had to restrain myself from licking the cardboard but I sure did lick the spoon. Breakfast over with, we walked back to the car and began the drive to go home.

Now, we’re home, I’m very tired so will probably end this here.

What’s occupying my time?

I’ve been remiss in updating the blog, I’m sorry, I kept telling myself now is the perfect time but I just get distracted with other stuff.

I’ve been writing letters on the Slowly app, which I’ve talked about here.

So far it’s been really good letters with one or two exceptions, if you get a really icky letter you don’t have to reply and you can report the user which I had to do yesterday. This person sent me this letter:

This was the very first letter they sent and then they followed that up with a media sharing request.

If you’re looking for a partner look somewhere else thank you very much!

Have also been spending my time on reddit, especially on the Ask the Caribbean subreddit, I’m always looking to interact with fellow West Indians and I have not been disappointed in the subreddit.

AskTheCaribbean

Also while perusing Instagram I got a follow from an old classmate but received some pretty iffy messages, was this the work of a scammer or was I being an ass to someone? 🤔 Read and decide for yourself.

So, was I justified in playing around with this person?

Oh, I should also mention that Oyanie made 3 months on the 22nd, my baby is growing way too fast!

When I have a little free time I read a little, I’m currently reading A Mermaid’s Kiss by Joey W. Hill

The synopsis reads like this:

The angelic Jonah has been battling the Dark Ones for centuries. But his noble spirit has begun to tire with the weight of war – allowing a Dark One to strike a blow that severs his wings and knocks him into the sea.

Anna is a Daughter of Arianne – a direct descendant of the mermaid of legend. Anna’s longing for love compels her to risk her very life to protect and hide the fallen Jonah. And the longer Jonah delays his return to the heavens, the more Anna’s secret passions are tempted.

But as she falls more in love with him, Anna wonders if she’s destined to lose her heart and her dreams to save Jonah’s soul?

Apparently it’s part of a trilogy with a few other novellas, I don’t know how I feel about it since I’m not very far yet, I can say that the main characters annoy me…

I’ve also started watching a show on Netflix called You, it’s a thriller about a book store manager who one day meets an aspiring writer and becomes obsessed with her. Here’s the synopsis :

What would you do for love? For a brilliant male bookstore manager who crosses paths with an aspiring female writer, this question is put to the test. A charming yet awkward crush becomes something even more sinister when the writer becomes the manager’s obsession. Using social media and the internet, he uses every tool at his disposal to become close to her, even going so far as to remove any obstacle –including people — that stands in his way of getting to her.

From the POV of the book store manager I feel like they’re trying to get you to sympathize with him and accept that he had good reasons for doing what he’s done. If you haven’t watched it yet, give it a go and see how you like it because I’m hooked!

Guess who’s two months?!

Yes guys, just like that Oyanie made two months!

She actually made two months yesterday and I forgot to post it.

*my bad*

Madame Oyanie can roll from her belly onto her back but had yet to master rolling from her back to her belly. She smiles occasionally and never when I have my camera. I’ll get a picture one day…

She is starting to”talk” to us but she prefers to stare with those big beautiful eyes.

I honestly can’t believe it’s been two months already, it feels like she’s been here forever.

Growth spurts are fun

It’s almost 3am and my one month old is still fighting sleep, we’ve been battling for a good two hours, she’s been fed, burped and has a clean diaper. I rock her and her eyes close but as soon as I put her down she cries so I have to start again. I want to cry. I’m running on empty and trying my hardest but it doesn’t seem to be enough.

Finally, after what seems like forever she settles down and falls asleep.

It’s 6am, husband is getting up to get ready to go to work and because I’m a light sleeper I’m awake. I’m fatigued and hope I can get back to sleep. It takes a while but I manage it.

It’s 8am and my son is waking up, he opens his bedroom door which makes a sound and wakes me up. I’m bleary eyed and tired but I know he’ll watch TV and he has everything he needs to make a sandwich so I stay in bed.

I can’t fall back asleep, I want to so badly but it’s not happening, I pick up my phone and check my notifications, I scroll through Facebook, Instagram, Reddit, and my various genealogy and social sites. The baby is squirming I know she’ll be up soon.

My son is playing a video game and he’s not winning, I can tell from his anguished screams, my nerves start to fray. It’s 10am, I think about my life choices and how I ended up here.

Time passes and the baby is now awake and looking for food.

It’s time to get up and start our day.

Confinement

Hey! Welcome back!

Today I’m going to talk about being in confinement after giving birth. While I was in the hospital Naveen was on break from school and Marvin was home from work so I didn’t have to worry about who would watch him.

When I got out of the hospital it was time for Naveen to go back to school but he had a cold so he went one day and was sent home the next and stayed home on Friday. We thought he’ll be fine to go on Monday but then the schools were closed and Naveen never got to go back to school.

We could still go out at that point so we would go for walks which was important for me since I had to walk for my recovery from the C-section. It was good to be outside feeling the cool air and not being cooped inside the house or stuck in there hospital. I stayed there for a while week!

Everything was ok and then we went into confinement, stay home unless you absolutely need to go out, have your attestation of you will be fined, we stayed inside. Naveen didn’t understand why he wasn’t going to school and why we couldn’t go to the park or see his grandparents.

I tried to explain to him in a way he would understand and I think he got it.

My husband is still working during the pandemic so it’s just me, Naveen, and Oyanie. Due to Oyanie waking up every two hours at night to eat we usually stay in bed until afternoon. I try to get a little extra sleep but I’m still so very tired when we get up to go downstairs. Sometimes Naveen comes into the room and lay in the bed with Oyanie and me but he’s mostly up early and downstairs. I try to make sure that he has something to eat and occupy himself with.

While I’m taking care of the baby I sometimes wonder if I’m neglecting Naveen and try to include him or I’ll put the baby down to give him extra attention. It’s hard having two kids especially now when the baby is so small and need so much more of my attention.

Naveen has been a good big brother though, he always asks me if I need help and will bring bottles upstairs for me, reach diapers and wipes, he kisses his sister and wants to hold her.

He will sometimes feed her so I can make myself something to eat or when I need to do something else.

I think I’m adjusting well to having two children especially in these strange times. If I’m being honest I’ve been suffering a bit from being stuck at home, given how my pregnancy went where I was stuck at home with only doctor visits as my time outside its only a given that I’d go stir crazy without a reason to go outside. I miss the air and the sun and I wish things go back to normal soon.

Before I forget to mention it Oyanie made one month on March 22, one month already it seemed like I just had her. Time is going by so fast.

My C-section experience

Welcome back!

Today I’m going to talk about my C-section experience.

When I found out I only had two options either attempt a breech birth or have a C-section I was numb, I researched breech births like crazy and they are such a gamble. “What if my baby’s head got stuck in pelvis?” this was the biggest question on my mind and I just wasn’t comfortable with the idea that it could happen.

I asked my husband what he thought the C-section was the better choice.

It was decided, I’d have a C-section, sure there was a chance that the baby could turn down on her own but there was a bigger chance of me going into labor with her still being breech. A scheduled C-section was the way to go.

February 20 and we’re in the hospital for a routine check-up, they check to see if baby had turned but she was still breech, here is where it gets crazy…

The doctor calls in for me to have my C-section tomorrow!

I thought I would have more time to get used to the idea and read up on after care and all that but no, they just drop that bomb on me.

I’m not going to lie but I cried, I was scared, I had to stay in the hospital and wait for my C-section.

There I was in a room all alone with so many thoughts going around in my head. I was not expecting this and I didn’t know how to handle this situation. I tried to relax as much as I could and get some rest.

It’s the next day and I’m waiting for my husband to arrive, the nurses came into the room and wheel me down to check if baby is still breech, she’s still in her cozy spot under my ribs, I’m wheeled back to my room and told to shower with Betadine.

I’ve showered and in the hospital gown when my husband and mother-in-law arrive, now we wait for them to take me to the Operating Room.

We wait and we wait but nobody is coming, finally in the afternoon someone comes and says that there were emergencies so my C-section won’t happen today. I’m spending another night in the hospital alone.

Here I am again, another morning full of nerves waiting to get taken to my first surgery, nurses come and go, I’m waiting for Marvin to arrive, I’m terrified of being taken to the OR without him, a nurse comes to the room and tells me I’ll go in the afternoon, all I can do is sit and watch the clock.

Marvin walks into the room and I’m relieved, I won’t be alone after all! I let him know that they said the operation was going to be in the afternoon. So we wait.

A little after noon two male nurses come to wheel my bed down to the OR, they take me down corridors, into the elevator, and finally to the OR waiting room, Marvin wasn’t allowed in and I wouldn’t see him again until I was taken into the actual OR.

While I’m in the waiting room the nurses are asking me questions and getting me ready for the operation. All this time I don’t know where Marvin is or if I’ll see him before the C-section.

The nurses transfer me from my bed to this table like gurney and wheels this into the OR, I see Marvin and the nurses start prepping for the surgery.

It’s time to get the spinal and I’m shaking, it’s a needle in my spine, with my needle phobia I’m a wreck. I have to bend really far forward and they warn me that I’d feel a prick. It was like a bee sting, this was followed by pressure and they lay me down. I started to feel a cool sensation in my lower region, my feet felt heavy but I could still wiggle them a bit. I was scared I was going to feel them cutting into me.

Up went the curtain, a cap was placed on my head, oxygen was put into my nose, I felt detached from my surroundings. I guess somewhere in my floating they placed a catheter because I did not feel it at all.

I’m just there watching the blue curtain and occasionally feeling a tug on my body when I hear a baby cry, I’m almost in tears but I hold it in. I cried enough.

They bring her around the curtain and place her next to me.

My daughter, she was out, the first thing I thought was that I wouldn’t feel her head in my ribs anymore.

Now they’re going to stitch me up, I watch Marvin walk off with the baby and it was back to staring at the blue curtain until they finished. They roll me out of the OR and quickly transfer me back to my bed.

They want me to move my feet but they won’t cooperate. I feel like I’m in Kill Bill, I kept telling myself wiggle your big toe. I’m not sure how much time passed but finally I could move my toe and then my feet, once I could move both my legs it was back to my room.

Once back in my room I see Marvin and Oyanie waiting for me.

I’m still not feeling my lower region completely and a nurse removed the catheter, I’m supposed to get up and pee on my own.

My legs feel like rubber and they’re shaking like crazy but I managed to stand up with the help of the nurse, I’m unable to pee so she makes me drink a lot of water and promises to return in an hour.

A hour passes and the nurse is back, she helps me stand again and once more I try to pee, this time it’s a success.

During all of this my incision is painful and I’m taking all the meds they give me.

I can’t help but compare it to my vaginal delivery and wish I had been able to have another one.